Sozzled Silurian
by TheLadyWhovian
Summary: Jenny's plans go astray when she manages to get her madame a little bit tipsy. Just cute, drunk, Jenny/Vastra fluff!


I pour my mistress another glass of gin, surprised that she isn't roaring drunk by now. Six glasses of gin would have most people stumbling, slurring, or passed out. Yet somehow my mistress is still perfectly fine, words just as well formed, still able to walk, even dance with grace should the right song come on our gramophone.

"Miss, can Silurians get drunk?" I ask, curiously. She slips an arm around my waist, starting to sway to the music and pulling me with her.

"Of course we can." she twirls me around, before pulling me back in and holding me close.

"But you've 'ad at least two bottles a gin. You should be right drunk by now." I comment, not really paying attention to my words as she rests her hand on the small of my back.

"Your silly mammalian drinks have no affect on me." she sips her gin, before putting it down so she can hold me proper.

"Well then what does get you drunk?" I stare up at her, astounded by how serene she looks. Her lips twitch into a smile.

"Oh Jenny, you should know by now that you don't have to get me drunk to get me into bed with you." she teases, capturing my lips in a soft and sensual kiss. I melt against her, slowly working my lips with hers in a sort of dance.

We stay like that, just kissing and swaying to the music. Her hands eventually find their way up my back and to my hair, where she plucks out the pins holding it in place and lets it tumble over my shoulders. She tangles her fingers in it, not tugging or pulling like she had the first few times I had let her play with my hair. Instead, she runs her fingers through it, before going to just stroking it lovingly.

I pull up for air, practically gasping for breath. She rubs our noses together, obviously in a good, playful mood. I touch her cheek, caressing the scaly face with the pads of my fingers. She exhales heavily, resting her head on my shoulder.

"If you really want to know, a mix of blood, whiskey, and gasoline can get me tipsy." she whispers, kissing the shell of my ear.

"Maybe I'll 'ave to try that." I murmur, curious to see my lady when she's drunk.

"Why exactly do you want to see me drunk? It's not that different from you when you've had a glass or two of wine."

"I'm just a little curious." I shrug, swaying to the song coming from the gramophone.

"How does that old saying go? Curiosity killed the cat?" she smiles at me, spinning me around.

"Do I look like a cat to you?" I giggle, letting her pull me tight against her.

"You do purr so endearingly when I stroke your back just right." Madame teases. I blush a soft pink, letting her hold me close.

"Curiosity and cats aside, can I at least try to get you drunk?" I do so want to see my mistress intoxicated. Let it loosen her up a bit.

"You can certainly try."

The next night, I prepare the drink she'd described, just guessing with the measurements. I had found a thing of gasoline and was simply using the blood from one of the bodies I'd hung in the pantry for my Madame. She kept the whiskey in a decanter and I had added just a little bit, not wanting to waste it.

"You're either trying to poison me, or get me intoxicated. And I'm not sure which is worse." my mistress teases, coming up behind me and grabbing the tumbler.

"I'd never poison you, Miss. Too much evidence." I wink playfully at her, grabbing my own glass of cheap, French wine.

"Wicked girl!" she raps me on the arse with the back of her hand and I bite my lip in an attempt to keep my moan in. "I'm warning you, getting me drunk is an awful idea. You'll lose all respect for me."

"I'm not gonna lose respect for you simply because you get tipsy." I peck her on the lips, before going out to the drawing room. I hear her following and smile.

I curl up in the corner of the couch, cradling my glass and sipping it gingerly. I know better than to get too drunk, especially if my lady gets as rowdy as she says she does when she's had a few of those deadly cocktails.

She curls up between my legs, sipping the drink. She gives a content sigh, leaning into me and giving me the look that indicates she wants me scratching her head. I let my fingers dig at the crested head, playing with the spikes and ridges.

"You're so well trained." she murmurs, cerulean eyes slipping closed as she takes a long drink.

"I'm not an animal." I huff, indignantly. My lady smirks, tilting her head back.

"In bed you certainly are." she reaches up and pinches my now scarlet cheek. I can tell the drink is already having an affect on her.

"That's working a lot faster than I assumed." I giggle, sipping my wine. She snatches my wine glass, shaking her head.

"You can't be drunk when I am. I need a voice of reason and you'll be no good if you're drinking." she puts my glass on the ground, before wiggling back into me.

"You've gotta be exaggerating." I tickle the back of her head, getting her to moan. "You can't be that bad when you're drunk."

"Just wait and see, dear. And remember, this was your idea. Anything I do can be pinned on you." she finishes off the tumbler, before getting up to get another. "Cut me off after three, no matter what I say later."

"You're just trying to scare me." I huff, not believing she's really going to get that ridiculous.

"Am I now? You just wait, Jenny. You'll regret this later." she winks at me, blowing me a kiss.

I roll my eyes, thinking she's just trying to scare me enough to tell her to stop. She can play this little game if she wants.

She comes back into the room, smirking at me. Her shirt is unbuttoned and hanging open and her skirt is hanging off her finger. She's standing in the doorway, chest uncovered and the cute little thing she had picked up from the future, she calls it a thong, is keeping her womanhood shrouded in mystery.

"It's ever so hot here, even for me." she groans, tossing her skirt aside. "You don't mind, do you?"

"Not at all." I smile, playing along. "Come sit in my lap, Ma'am?"

"Oh, are we getting frisky so early? Wonderful!" she laughs, plopping down in my lap and starting to unlace the back of my dress.

"I never said anything about undressing me." I smack her hand and she pulls back, eyes twinkling with a mix of sadness and lust.

"So I don't get to have fun with you tonight?" she pouts, nuzzling my neck with her head.

"Maybe later." I kiss one of her spikes, smiling. Her scales are cold beneath my lips and I love the sensation of it, no matter how odd it may seem to an outsider.

"You're a right tease, my pet." she sips her drink, lips twisted into a devilish smirk.

"And you're doing a well good job at keeping up this act." I watch as she takes another sip, giggling into the glass.

"Jenny, you're rather cute when you're stubborn." she kisses my neck, biting down on it lightly and lovingly. "But if we're going to make this work, you're going to have to realize me getting drunk really is dangerous."

"'ow is it dangerous? You just get a little 'orny?" I play with the collar of her shirt, my fingers brushing her defined collarbone.

"I get a lot horny, actually. Very rough, too." she kisses me, softly. "I might say some things I wouldn't normally and you'll probably have to drag me to bed."

"Do you want me to sleep in my own bed tonight, Miss?" I twitter, realizing she might actually be serious.

"No. Sleep in our bed with me. I'll want you close. But tie my hands to the headboard." my mistress stares at me, cerulean eyes bright and alive.

"Are the leather straps still where we left them after last time?" I almost blush as I recall our past uses of them.

"I believe you'll find them tucked neatly in the drawer with our other...toys." she smirks, winking at me. My cheeks go a rosy pink in colour.

"Perfect. So, tie you down and what? Ravish your willing body?" I tease back, getting her to give an audible groan.

"As appealing as that sounds, no. Just tie me up, get in bed with me, and hold me." my lady starts to unlace the back of my dress again, but this time I let her. "Stop me."

"I...what?" I grab her hands, but they fight against me. I pin them down on my lap, although they squirm to try and get up my dress.

"Right now, I have control over my mind, but not my body. Eventually, I'll lose control of my mouth, then my mind. You've been warned." her hands are still desperately trying to hoist my dress up.

"Should I get 'andcuffs or something? I think we've got a pair in the drawer..." I make to get up, but she pulls me down.

"Just slap my hands. Reprimand me." Vastra's hands are shaking and I nod, before smacking her hands, which draw back and fold in her lap. "Good girl. Now remember that whatever I say I'm only saying because of the alcohol."

"But will it still be true?" I ask, seeing she nods rather sadly.

"Yes, but don't judge me for it." my lady kisses me warmly and passionately, surprising the both of us. She starts to mumble against my lips and I know what she's trying to say.

I push her away, slapping her cheek. "No! Bad girl." I scold, seeing she cringes away.

"Thank you, Jenny. Perhaps those handcuffs would be useful." she whispers, her eyes suddenly lighting up. "Fuck me!"

"Ma'am!" I shriek, put off by the sudden outburst.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to say that. I mean, I'd like you to, but not when I'm like this. Whatever I say, don't make love to me tonight." she downs the rest of her glass, before putting it down.

"'course, Miss. So, the 'andcuffs?" I get up, heading for the door so I can grab them from our room.

"Be quick, dear."

When I get back from the bedroom, I find her still laying out on the couch, starting to touch herself provocatively. I smile and giggle, getting her to look up at me.

"Please hurry." she seems rather unamused by her own actions. I laugh, going over to her.

"You weren't exaggerating when you said you lost control, were you?" I slap the cuffs on her wrists and her hands fol neatly in her lap.

"No, I wasn't." she bites her lips and squeezes her eyes shut. "I dress you in a maid's uniform because I think it makes you look sexy!"

"Miss!" I shriek, cheeks flushing and hands tugging at the short skirt of my dress.

"I warned you! This is your own doing and now my mouth is going." she fights against the handcuffs, growling.

"You're so adorable. I just 'ope you don't say anything too offensive." I giggle, stroking her spikes. She looks at me, pouting.

"Please fuck me." she gets up, hands still shackled. I shake my head, cupping her cheeks.

"You already told me not to, Ma'am. And you 'aven't got any control over what you're saying. I know better." I peck her on the lips and she desperately tries to intensify the lip lock. I pull away, shaking my head.

She huffs, collapsing onto the couch. I sit down next to her, smiling when she squirms into my lap. I hold her close, feeling her melting against me and giving a sigh.

"I sometimes wonder if you would rather me be a human." she whispers, voice small and obviously a little bit shy about it.

"I wouldn't change you a bit, Miss." I hold her a bit tighter. "Stop thinking those thoughts. I love you 'ow you are, not any different."

"My sexy mammal, you're so sweet and kind. So pretty..." she moves to unbutton my shirt, her hands still awkwardly handcuffed. "So attractive and delicious. Maybe we could-"

"No! Quit tempting me!" I get up, forcing her to tumble sideways onto the couch. I can't be so near her when she's like this. All touchy and cute.

"Please, Jen?" she stands, stumbling a little as she does so. Whether it's from the alcohol or the handcuffs, I can't tell.

"I can't. You told me not to. 'ow about I just take you to bed and we can snuggle?" I wrap an arm around her waist, supporting her as I take her to the stairs and up to our room.

"You're so nice and always know what's best for me." she whispers, head lolling against my shoulder. I smile, holding her up.

"Thank you, Ma'am." I push our bedroom door open with my rump, pulling her in. She collapses on the bed, curling up and groaning. I shake my head, searching around for the leather straps.

When I find them, I quickly tie my mistress to the iron headboard and remove her handcuffs. I stay fully dressed and don't dare undress her. I simply curl up next to her and slip my arms around her waist in order to pull her tight to me.

"I love you madly, Jenny." she murmurs, leaning into me as best as possible. "My pretty human girl, so perfect and wonderful. It makes me ill to think I once considered eating you."

"You what?" I whisper, mouth hanging agape. She looks rather sheepish, batting her eyelashes at me and turning her head slightly away.

"It was a brief, impulsive thought I had when you were just starting as my maid. I was still foolish and angry at your species." she contorts her body so she can give me a little peck on the lips. "You just looked so delicious."

I wrap my arms around her, tears resting in my eyes. "What stopped you?" I choke, feeling like my heart had dropped out of my chest.

"You told me I was the most beautiful creature you had ever seen." she looks at me with those beautiful cerulean eyes. "And I knew I would never find a human so accepting of me. Never find one so kind and sweet."

"Thank you for not eating me, Ma'am." I hold her tight, feeling her snuggling into me and gripping my ass firmly and lovingly. "You need sleep, miss. It was a mistake, gettin' you drunk."

"Why was it a mistake? I thought you wanted to see me like this. Out of control and without my inhibitions." she kisses me passionately and roughly, not caring she's hurting me. Her mouth is rough and her tongue jabs too hard, causing tears to spring to my eyes.

"Stop! Please stop! You proved your point!" I pull away, slipping off the bed and tears start running down my cheeks. "That really 'urts, Ma'am."

"Please don't go." she whimpers, fighting against the straps that bind her. "I won't hurt you again. Not ever again. Just promise you'll stay."

I kneel on the bed next to her, seeing she looks rather lost. She stops her squirming, just looking at me with those sad cerulean eyes. "If you stay, promise to stay forever, I'll try my hardest to not hurt you. Please, love. I'm sorry."

"I ain't leaving you, Ma'am." I touch her cheek and she nuzzles my hand desperately. "But you can stop the act now. You've proved your point."

"Do you still think I'm pretending?" I nod, to which she frowns and shakes her head. "Silly mammal you are."

"If you really are drunk, tell me something you would never tell me but will now because you're not truly in your right mind." I lay just far enough away from her so she can't snuggle me, but close enough to convince her I'm not going anywhere.

"I once killed an innocent man because he asked if you were a prostitute and when I said no he asked if he could pay for a night with you anyways." she looks at the ceiling and avoids my gaze. "On another occasion I purposely let a cut become infected so you would dress my wound and tend to me. More than once I've threatened a man because he showed an interest in you, even going to the point of hurting them."

"Miss, that's terrible." I melt at the sad look she's giving me. "But thank you for caring 'bout me." I move closer to her, rubbing her stomach in a way I know makes her moan and purr.

"How I love when you pet me so." she moves so she's snuggling me as best as she can in her arrangement. "I'm going to fall asleep now. Goodnight, love."

"G'night, Milady." I kiss her softly, pulling the duvet up and over our bodies.

"Have fun dealing with my hangover in the morning. I get right cranky when I'm hungover." she chuckles, once again trying to scare me.

"It'll be my pleasure to care for you, Madame." I always have loved tending to my mistress. She's rather cute when she's needy.

"You wait, Jenny. You just wait." she warns, getting me to smile and laugh.

"Go to sleep, Vastra. I'll wake you in the morning with tea and breakfast already prepared." I kiss her cheek and she nuzzles into me, her legs wrapping around my waist.

As she drifts off, I vaguely hear her muttering about my delicious ass. I smile, loving her immensely in that moment. Although getting her drunk was a bit of a mistake, it's a mistake I might make again, probably purposely. I'll just be prepared for the next time.


End file.
